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Election time people. Apparently the most important one in a while. Now to be honest with you I know as much about politics as a deaf chicken but I do know about is posters.

I like posters. Funny ones, cool ones, band posters, inspirational ones, kitty on the cloths line. You name it. What I dont like is this



Election posters dot the whole bloody landscape. That photo is in fact a very mild case of poster over loading. In the gulag (thurles) The square was riddled with them and for once in my life I was happy that the vandals were around to tear them down and defecate them.

I mean come on. Over-kill much? If i wanted to see a whole lot of smug faces hanging off what ever is available I would have just gone to the Dail and watched them hang out up there and hurl insults at each other because none of them really know what they are doing. Its true I dont know much about politics. Never had the head for it but I dont like this obtuse bombardment of ugly, far-fetched, smug portraits. What id rather see is this...



I really believe that Labour would get every vote form the 14 - 60 year old males demograph.

Or simply this. I would like to put my brother in the running.



All messing aside I hope you all took a long hard time to pick who you are voting for. If they promised before and didn't deliver, well, deliver them from thine vote.

Redman away......

Nerdintines Day

Five questions -

1. Can you hum the entire theme to the first Mario Bros Game?
2. Do you know what H2SO4 is?
3. Can you quote anything from Stargate, Star Trek, Battlestar Galactica or Dr Who?
4. Do you agree with me when I say Roger Ebert was wrong when he said "Video games can never truly be art."?
5. Do you think that Scott Pilgrim Vs The World was the greatest film of our time?

If you answered yes to most of these questions I believe that you can be classed as a nerd. Im a nerd. A lazy one but a nerd none the less. I love it. I love our lifestyle. We get all the cool stuff and every now and then we get to dress up and wear capes. We get to read comics and play video games. Even play the odd board game or two. We meet in large groups to play children's card games and argue who was the better Bond and if you say Rodger Moore Il find where you live and slap you!!!! Sean Connery....CONNERY

I noticed at a young age that I was a nerd. I wasn't built for or into sports. From age 6 to about 9 I desperately wanted to be a teenage mutant ninja turtle or a "ginga" turtle. I have never stopped reading comics in fact I read one just before writing this lot. I had 2 very good friends in primary school who were also nerds. Better nerds than I could ever be. It wasn't until I reached secondary school that I found my true nerdy self and college helped that along nicely. We are a shy race. Quick to anger depending on the TV program being argued about. Nerds are not great with "the ladies" I was never great at the whole girls thing and i am usually the most surprised person when I do happen to "hook up" Im in no way bitter about couples or guys who are good with women Ive had my fair share of relationships and Im happy being single at the moment. More time for me and my nerdiness.


I dont know many girl nerds. They are few and far between so I would say that being a nerd is mostly a male thing. We are generally considered lonely gents and ladies but the people I know are top notch amazing people and coming up to Valentines day life can be hard for us nerds who are I think very misunderstood. I want to put a stop to this loneliness any nerd feels this VD. This VD is going to be different.


Every nerd who doesn't have the stereotyped "date" for VD, every nerd who gave the girl they liked flowers or a card only to be turned down, every nerd who cant tell the person they like how they feel. I say to you, unite brothers and sisters for we are not alone. F#*k all that card and flowers bull. I cant think of a better way to spend that money. I want you to grab your nerdy friends and get your nerdy freak on! Im talking about series marathons, movie marathons, board games, drinking competitions/games. We are not alone and we will take the day for ourselves. Nerdintines day is here brother and sisters. There are more of us slightly socially encumbered QI enthusiasts than there is people out on dates. Those of us nerds who do have dates will miss out on a truly epic nerd day that will be talked about and you will get the "you werent there man" look. I myself plan on playing a shit load of games and heading to see Paul in the cinema with me nerdy friends. My fellow nerds, we are not alone. Not ever. We have each other. Go out with your mates tomorrow.

To quote a certain space captain;

"Make it so"

Redman out

The Gulag

Well now, wasnt that a lovely break we had for Christmas. Is everyone a stone heavier from eating way too much. The way too much you said that you would abstain from this year. Now that you have that way too much in your god like self you are now promising yourself you will go to the gym, you know, the one you cant afford.

Their Life
David: "Yeah Jessica I ate way to much this Christmas. I think I gained about a stone but Im going to start going to that super mega awesome gym that opened just down the road."
Jessica: "I know David. I too ate too much. That gym is a great idea I have already paid for it and Im heading this Wednesday for my first session."
David: "I may join you."

REAL LIFE
David: "Jesus Jessica I ate like a starved, diseased, toothless pig this Christmas. I must now weigh the same as a small boat. Im going to start going to that gym that that guy opened up in his shed 30 miles away."
Jessica: "I know David. I ate 7 boxes of chocolates, 3 boxes of biscuits, 8 trays of candy bacon, a small trailer worth of gone off chocolate decorations and a member of my family. I know the shed you are talking about. I have already paid the extraordinary entrance fees and I promised I would go on Wednesday but thats never going to happen."
David: "You fat bitch."

Now that we are all happy and back to work. We can all start dreaming about our futures again. For me my future for the time being seems to be based around my home town. Well its not really my home place. I grew up in a small and beautiful village called Holycross where there was not much to do as a child except swim in the local river or throw small cans out onto the road to watch them get crushed by cars and the like. The local town, my local town, is where I learned to throw bigger cans on the road.

Thurles
Dotted in the middle of Tipperary's landscape is the small, dirty, knacker filled town called Thurles. Its like a jail for the sociably unaccepted (perhaps me being included) and I have christened it "The Gulag" I spent the bulk of my teenage years here and it wasnt all bad. First drink, first smoke, first kiss and all of that malark. What i didn't like is that in the 11 years I have been hanging around this town nothing has changed bar a new set of traffic lights and a slightly bigger itinerant population.

Imagine being stuck in a town where nothing happens....ever and any time something does finally happen its immediately destroyed by drugged up hoodies driving around in their shitty starlets drinking Smirnoff fucking ice and listening to freaking crappy dance music. It is a town that holds some of my dearest friends and thats probably he best thing about it. I imagine that 300 years ago or so when the town was built that the guys laying the place out were all like "hey man this place looks pretty nice we should built a fort town here with cool walls n' shit." Now the only wall they would see is the graffiti riddled one out the back of a tesco and a river full of shopping trolleys, bin liners and the odd 3 eyed fish or two.

Im sure this is a reality for many an Irish young folk. We all make the best of it. In fact I remember me and my lawyer shimming up a tree to hide from a lady who's house was suddenly and mysteriously TP'd by someone who was defiantly not Conor, Alan and I. Enough said about that.

Redman