The Mighty Cold

It’s early. Very early. The person in question is wrapped up extremely snugly in bed. It’s like a fort. Fort Warm. So well is he wrapped up that no cold air can infiltrate his fort of warmth even as mighty as the colds troops may be. He is in that state, you know, when you are kind of awake but still mostly asleep. The kind of state where you know you could wake up if you wanted to but you are far too comfortable and warm to do so and its very easy to lapse back into the coma you were in five minutes ago. No you stay in that state, aware but not awake.

Movement. Somewhere outside Fort Warm a door has opened and cold air is pouring through. We will call this door to the cold Colds Gap. “So the cold has a few tricks does he?” thinks the man. He retreats further under the walls of Fort Warm while five shadowy figures pass through Colds Gap. The man is more aware now. He can hear the faint scuff of slippers on a wooden floor. He knows whats coming and he thinks he is prepared for it. The cold and its minions have battled with Fort Warm before and this time they have a new trick. The man curls into a ball under his cozy walls pulling them closer and prepares himself for a wild and vicious assault. There is a small giggle and then sudden silence. What the man doesn’t know is that the fifth of these shadowy figures isn’t human.

A wet nose somehow breaks under the bottom of his warm walls of warmth and touches his foot. “Damn it” the man yells as he pulls back his now slightly colder foot. It’s the horrid hairy four legged beast of the great back garden plains. The beast is so surprised by the man’s outburst it yelps and runs back out through Colds Gap. “Awww Donny. You scared the shit out of the dog” A small voice says. “Just get up so we can open our presents!” This is when the man decides to go out fighting.

As I am trying to wrap at least 2 of my sisters up in my duvet and make a break out colds gap to the bathroom so I can get rid of the "ghost" of drinking past my mother is already up and shouting at us to come and help with the food prep. Christmas morning in my home is never an easy task. There is the rush for the bathroom followed by the rush of get some milk for your crunchy nut corn flakes before its all gone followed by the rush of get the hell in the car we have to go to mass. Mass is forever the same. They sing the same songs, you see the same people and you give the same greetings. Sometimes I imagine what it would be like to have mass trough interpretive dance or suddenly jesus himself would appear and tell the church how bloody boring the whole thing was and that some people in the quire really need to learn how to sing or stop singing.

The scene that follows once we are safely back in the comfort of our own home is one of carnage and violence. Never will you see wrapping paper taken off presents in such a bold and vicious way. If one of the presents happened to be a small animal there wouldn’t be much left of it after the opening.

My favourite part of the day is dinner. I never laugh so much as I do at the table in Holycross. At a wedding quiet recently the drama that happens at our table was described as we were being “wonderfully horrible” to each other. I think that you need to be part of a big family to understand how it all works. Lets just say that we are usually holding our sides somewhere between starter and main courses. The day is rounded off nicely by steady drinking the consumption of several tons of chocolates.

My last comment on Christmas is my reaction to the sudden change of weather. It went from about 28 degrees to minus 11 in the space of 2 days.

From this




To this


Merry Christmas everyone and a happy new year too.

Redman